I don’t know what I was expecting. I woke up with an unusual amount of apprehension. I was nervous. But the morning was routine. I kissed the boys, told them I loved them, and sent them off to school without a fear or concern. I knew they would be under the best care possible. Yet I felt “off.”
I know I had old wounds that were surfacing from years past. I know those memories from the tragedies of old, were trying to make a new appearance in my softened heart. How could they not with the memory of the young children who died this past weekend in Connecticut? But I’m better equipped now. I have been given tools on how to deal with the pain and memories. So those memories may attempt to show themselves, but they won’t control me as they had in the past.
Once I got to work and started my routine, the fears subsided. When my students entered the room, the energy felt subdued, but that could have been because it was Monday. As I started class, I began to talk about the shootings. One of the first things I asked was who was nervous about coming to school today. Between my two classes, about 90% of the kids raised their hands. I told them I was too.
And then we talked. Not about the events of the Connecticut shootings, but about how we felt and what needed to change. I talked the most because sharing feelings is still not something middle schoolers are great at. Not in front of classmates.
But a funny thing happened after all this talking. School. The day proceeded as normal. No disasters. Class as normal. Actually, it was better than normal. I ran my first DBQ (document-based questions) lesson and it went amazingly.
It was just another day. Like any other day. My heart was heavy with sadness, but nothing in comparison to those directly impacted by the tragic events of Friday. The worrying was gone. Nothing is guaranteed. But worrying solves nothing.
Pray. Heal. Love. That we can control. It will take time, but things worth achieving usually do.
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Until Next Time,
Peace!
rantings of a loon
